as i seat at home..

as i seat at home, sick, and finding it hard to breathe, i thought about all the things in life that could be different, if my parents did something different in their lives, not that i am complaining but life could be so much better if they hadn't made some decisions.... or if they would have made some different decisions. i know that some people would say that i should learn from their mistakes, but i find that if they say that then they haven't learned from their parents or friends mistakes, but it is so much harder then it sounds! in drama, we are doing a play where i play a girl who has a great life, and has an awesome relationship with God, and everything is going her way. life is easy for her. i wish it was that way for me! but it isn't. and some people would say to make the best of it, but really what can come out if it? life sucks! the other day i was wondering why is it the we (christians) usually only go to God in the good times? is it that we think that we are good enough to handle the hard things in life by ourselves!? well, we can't... at least not 99.9% of us can't! as christmas draws closer, and family grow closer together, mine is growing more appart! for christmas, most teenagers would want an ipod, or the coolest new electonic thing, i just want one day that there is no fighting in my house, and no one threatening anyone... just one peaceful day where it can actually be a day that i want to come home... usually i am afraid to come home and when i do... hell breaks lose.. and everything is apparently my fault, and everything is blamed on me! just one day, i just want one day.....


dear god, and santa :)
please just one day of quiet and peace at my house! i will do anything!